The Women

I've been getting a lot of static about this for the last, oh eighty years or so, suggesting that perhaps I've done wrong by the ladies. Various sob-sister men I know have also lobbied to bring it to my attention. To them all, I'm ready to say: as far as the subjugation of women goes, I'm sorry about all that.

BUT! I would like to just point out here briefly that this one can't a hundred percent be laid at MY feet (have you ever seen how The Islamics deal with Theirs?). It is NOT my fault that you bleed on a monthly basis, have a higher body fat index, and are so very desirable to all, including many who you do not, yourself, find desirable. Beyond that though, I suppose that I'm not entirely blameless.

Unless I'm God, which I'm not certain that I am. You People are so damned emotional sometimes though, that you'd think I might be. I am trying to be open and honest here, dammit, as I've been told that I need to be. I Am Cooperating.

If you all were a little better in a foxhole (or hunting/gathering), and less good at keeping homes, maybe there wouldn't have been as much subjugation (I have been court-ordered to use that particular word at least five times in this piece-ed.) of You. Perhaps we could have had a civilized conversation, goddammit, if you weren't so often drooling about Your Emotions, and how mean I am. I AM SORRY, DAMMIT!

From such tiny degrees do large differences spawn, and now I have to be up to my keister in hate mail about Wage Inequity, the fact that I sort of want to control Your Womb, and Rape (which I keep trying to tell you, dammit, IS SATAN'S FAULT, AND HE CAN GODDAMN WELL APOLOGIZE FOR IT!). Again, I am sorry for all the...Subjugation. Especially about the fact that I just never felt like listening to you. But you are whiny. And annoying. And often withhold Sex from Me.

I like to consider myself a reasonable Man/person, and feel too that the ongoing molestation of the young gals by men is wrong (subjugation?). I feel too that that one isn't really my fault either (SATAN- AGAIN!), and certainly not the concerted, historical effort it sometimes is portrayed as: A Policy, meant to keep the Weaker Sex...Weak. The young men getting molested by men is also (I'd like to state for the record) Wrong, but I'll go into them later. And youngsters of both stripes being molested by Women? I'll put my ex-wife on the phone later (DO YOU HEAR ME, GAIA? YOU'LL BE HERE NEXT!).

As far as the rise of monotheistic religions, and the sudden passing of matrilineal property rights from much of the earth, I'd like to clarify the point that it just seemed like a good idea at the time. I am told that you were all busy sitting around bleeding while the rest of us were busy keeping the Hittites or some damn thing at bay, and we decided that maybe that house just belonged in our name a little bit more. I am sorry. Besides, you weren't all snuggly n' cute yourselves in those days, remember! Theocracies tend toward collectivism and mediocrity, punishing of The Individual, even Goddess-y ones, so we decided to set up a couple where at least everyone was a bit more controllable, for God's sake.

So let me say in closing, I've tried to keep it brief, so we can get into this fine-looking buffet here. I/We didn't know what we were doing at the time, and some have said, still don't. ALL RIGHT GODDAMN IT, HOW OFTEN DO I HAVE TO SAY IT? I WAS DRUNK! Let's all just agree to disagree about your Subjugation. Sorry. Just...I'm sorry, okay?